You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

"It's better to have loved and lost then never had loved at all" - Anon.
I struggle now more than ever to find the truth in that. That quote could actually be applied to any relationship in one's life. I think the writer meant that it is better to experience a love so deep and all that comes along with it, than to go through life clueless that such feelings exist. Everyone knows how to feel and experience love. When you open your heart to someone there are no boundaries, you are blind to the possibility of being hurt and you open the inner most depths of your soul to this overwhelming feeling. You cannot get enough of this person that you are magnatized to. It seems as though you have become one person and every thought that passes through your mind reflects upon your dreams and memories of this person. Your trust that thay will always be there is as niave and innocent as a childs trust. You come to the realization that the word "love" cannot even begin to express the feeling that you have inside. There are no words. Sometimes in life I believe that there are happy endings, where bonds are never broken and two people that became one will always be. Sometimes we have to let people go, even though you cant bear the thought of it. Sometimes we realize that the love grew and took over your heart based on mere dreams and fantasies. You have to look at your self in a mirror and realize that you are your own person again, just you. You feel like it would be easier to Preside over the entire country than make a decision to let someone go. Then when you finally do you feel empty, lost, numb and know you will never be the same again. I believe now that I would rather not know that such feelings exist than feel the pain of losing your one and only true love.

THE FRAY - All at Once

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another

Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn5imNHtNA8

Missed the Saturday dance. Heard they crowded the floor. Couldn't bear it without you. Don't get around much anymore.
Thought I'd visit the club. Got as far as the door. They'd have asked me about you. Don't get around much anymore.

Oh, Darling I guess my mind's more at ease. But nevertheless, why stir up memories.

Been invited on dates. Might have gone but what for. Awfully different without you. Don't get around much anymore.

"No matter how many times I look up at the bottom of my empty glass, I can't become numb to you anymore. I can't drink you away any more. No matter how long I stand in the shower I can't rinse you out of my heart. I can't wash you away. No matter how many times I wake from a dream about you, I still only open my eyes to my pillow and dark room, and my heart becomes hollow again. No matter how many single tears roll down my cheeks, I can't drain you out of my soul. I can't get you out of me." - Anonymous

The First Thunderstorm of the year!!!!!

Wow...It's so awesome! :) Kourt, Brooks and I were at her soccer practice, and about 20 minutes in some heavy gray clouds began folding in. The girls continued passing and kicking goals, Brooks kept walking Jellybean around the field. She was trying to get under the fence into the woods but Brooks was right on top of it!~ lol! Then all of a sudden lightening hit in the distance. We departed and headed home with hopes that we had had a long enough practice to be able to kick Quabbin's butt Saturday. On the short ride home from the field, heavy rain drops slowly bounced off of my window here and there. Stopping at the light I noticed joggers picking up the pace, quick enough to avoid the down pour, but slow enough to enjoy the season's new weather. Running in the rain is probably one of the most amazing cleansing feelings in the world, never mind the first heavy rain. I'm surprised people didn"t pull over and get out of their cars waiting for it. The reality is that most people dont think like that. They always have someplace to be or are late for something. Why don't people just slow down long enough to experience the world and what nature has to offer us under the circumstances that it is in. sad...

In any event I dropped the girls off at Brooks's and continued home... darker clouds rolled in and the rain picked up a little. I parked and ran Jellybean upstairs. I opened the balcony door and to check the plants and all of a sudden the skies opened up! Water poured from the sky, bouncing off of roof tops, grass, and tree branches. I watched it blurr the horizon and drown my plants, lol, Im sure they'll be fine. It was so beautiful, the smell, the reminder of Summer. After the first thunderstorm it is certain that summer is a reach away...pulling in cookouts, swimming, music, fun with fam and best friends, Newport, watermellon, flipflops, fireworks, a clove cigarette here and there , sail boat rides, Red Sox games, Goosberry Beach, and hopefullybeing with the the love of your life at Newport Blues on a hot sweaty july night.

"American Music"

I was just reminded of the other day when my Brother James and I were riding in the car on the way to visit our Pepe. I was introducing him to "Flogging Molly" and Irish rock band if you will. http://www.floggingmolly.com/ I think that their unique sound is really fun to listen to. Their track, If I Ever Leave This World Alive was featured in the movie P.S. I Love You. http://psiloveyoumovie.warnerbros.com/ When you hear them it is easy to imagine instantly being in a little Irish pub or driving through the big green hills we see in movies or pictures, or if you are lucky enough to have been there, I'm sure their music could bring you right back, in my opinion. That being said, James and I were discussing the sentiment factor, or imaginative ability of music. How some songs can take us to a place in our minds. The conversation was more focused on music of different cultures. For example, I have a really neat CD that I bought a while back titled "Songs From France - Songs and Stars of the Thirties - France's Most Popular Songs." Being the old Soul that I have always been I grabbed it and ended up loving it from the moment I popped it in...because it really brought me to 1930 France. I feel like I lived there during that time when I listen to it, to appreciate it I guess, if that makes any sense. An"Italian favorites" CD that I recently borrowed from Jacob Edwards Libraryhad the same effect on me.http://www.jacobedwardslibrary.org/ My Brother and I talked about how certain music and songs can trigger a "wow that reminds me or France, Africa, China, ect" response. The conversation sort of turned quirky and humorous in a way because we agreed on the questions: What songs to people hear that instantly remind them of North America? We are so culturally diverse, do we have any songs that trigger a feeling of driving across Route 20, New England, (excluding songs like yankee Doodle) the fields and deserts going across the west (I suppose Country music, but even still that is only a type of American Music.) Another factor is each person's perspective of what would remind them of "America" should they hear a certain song. In reality, a song that could remind someone, may have no impact on another person. That remains true of my opinion of Flogging Molly or my other culturally diverse music selections of choice. Someone else may hear Flogging Molly and respond with, "what the hell is that shit" Lol! To bring this back up to the surface, My brother and I humorously decided that our quick decisions on "American Music were as follows: "Born in the USA"-Bruce Springsteen, and the band Boston. Lol!

Luna Moth

When Kourt and I were at Magic Wings butterfly museum a few weeks ago we purchased a Luna Moth Cocoon. It came with instructions that read " will hatch in 6-8 weeks" Well seeing how only about 3 weeks have gone by we weren't paying too much attention to it yet. Sure enough , last night as we were sitting doing homework in the living room, Kourtney looked up and said "Mummy!!!" with eyes wide open. In the container on the television was a beautiful green winged moth. it appeared that it had hatched very recently...it's wings were still wet and crumpled. It hung from the screen roof in the container. We quickly found the instructions that came with the cocoon and read that it takes about 3 hours for its wings to dry and open. We also learned that they do not have mouths to eat or drink with. All of the nutrients that they need are stored in their bodies from when they were a caterpillar. They live to be 7-10 days old. In that time they find a mate to reproduce. It was different, and sort of humorous last night when I tucked her into bed. She wanted "Moonbeam" to sleep next to her on her nightstand, so I placed her next to her, we said our prayers and shut off the light...All of a sudden Moonbeam stared flying, frolicking everywhere!!! We looked at each other and remembered that she was nocturnal. So I brought her under a lamp to keep her "asleep" for the night. Kourtney thought that was funny. When we woke up her wings were wide open! Kourtney brought her to school to share with her class, and her teacher found out that she is actually a he, because of his fluffy antennas! Tonight we will let him go free tonight as his days are numbered. What a beautiful creature God made!

Today Kourtney and I went to Magic Wings in South Deerfield, Mass http://www.magicwings.com/ It was really amazing! We had heard about it before, but never made it out there. It's about an hour from home. You walk in to a beautiful exotic terrarium filled with hundreds of different plants, trees, vines, and flowers from all parts of the globe, made to
replicate the roughly 4,000 butterflies that live there from many different countries, including Africa and Australia. The air is humid and warm and sweet smelling from all of the different flowers enveloping the garden. The air was also filled with relaxing, botanical music that made the walk through the gardens even more enjoyable. It was very serene and peaceful. There were these big blue iridescent butterflies that would just not sit still. They were the most beautiful by far, and it was like they knew it. They just fluttered around as if they had somewhere to be, but then would pass right by again moments later, not even a bit lost. If you are patient enough, you can sit quiet and still on a near by bench, hoping for one to take a rest on your head, or arm. We tried for about ten minutes but they were all so busy chasing each other, stopping to sip from the different nectar bowls. It was like an indoor butterfly playground. It was so beautiful, if only all of Earth looked this way! :)

Spring finally feels here! What a great weekend! The weather is nice, almost in the 70's, the sun is feels warm, and the air refreshing. The Sox won the last two games! Hopefully they will keep it upand turn themselves around a little. I went to the game friday with my Pe'pe. It was so nice to be there with him. Ortiz struck out 3 times though...the first time bases were loaded...I wanted him to slug one out of the park for my Pe'pe...no such luck. We still won, 10-8! Today we started the day by going to church, we got out around noon and I brought the Kourtney and Brooks to Westville Dam to fly kites. Didn't work out so well...lol, but thats because after 10 failed attempts to get the silly thing in the air i realized the cross bar was missing. Its this big Nylon kite we found in a tree in Newport. Its really big and so pretty when its up in the air. I will have to get it fixed somehow before Thursday...the girls are on school vaca and Brooks' Mom and I are bringing the girls to Brenton Point to fly kites and to walk the cliffwalk! It's so beautiful there! Newport is my favorite place ever. The website doesn't do it justice but sort of gives you a sneak peek... http://www.gonewport.com/
Here is am interesting link to old Newport History... http://www.gonewport.com/
Today it echos scenes from the past from the old historic inns and shops, most of which have been kept up and are still in opesation, others have since been turned into homes. From the old brick allyways weaving through the old cobblestone streets in and out of beautiful old buildings cascading with ivy and vines. Large old Oak and Weeping Willows line the streets.
At night the main streets down town become alive with the chatter of shoppers, mouth wattering smells of the restaraunts, and the laughter and clinking of glasses in every corner pub. One of my favorite places is the Newport Blues Cafe! Definitely an amazing place to check out... how I ended up on Newport, go figure, but certainly a great topic nevertheless.

6 am in the morning

It's 6 am. Although really feels like 5 still. The time change was just yesterday. I am laying in bed with the window open a crack. It is raining outand the air feels nice. The church bells just rang 5 times. Emma is sitting next to me with her nose by the window hoping for an escape. Maybe she is just being curious though. Its hard to tell with her. I can't sleep, or go back to sleep I should say. That seems to be a common occurance lately. it also occured to me as I laid here sorting my thoughts that I haven't been on here in some time. I guess it has been a combo of being stressed, out of time and uncreative...hence this boring unimaginative 6 am post. Lol. It is giving me something to do. Speaking of combo...we chowed down a combo and a cheese pizza yesterday halfway through the move...which reminds me that I need to start eating better again and exercising more. I guess I will try to fall asleep again.

"Running" - No Doubt

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
Im the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
Im so sorry that Im falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Dont let me fall out of love

Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
do you think well make it?
Were running
Keep holding my hand
Its so we dont get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Dont stop inspiring me
Sometimes its hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Dont make me want to give up

Yesterday there was an snow storm which turned into an ice storm, which in turn, left some pretty neat icicles behind around the yard. My cats were wildly swooshing their tails back and forth by the porch window, watching this feeder hoping for a bird to fly through the window into the house. Or, that they will find a way to break through the windows! LOL! I on the other hand was just playing around with my camera, getting used to the different settings and thought that theses icicles looked pretty as the sun melted them away one drop at a time.

The best advice from a best friend...

"I have spent the last 8 months consumed night and day, everyday of every week with thoughts about how much I love him and our relationship that I forgot who I am. I lost touch with myself and it's scary"

"you don't want to lose yourself...you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life." - Julia M.

"I was born the day you kissed me, died the day you left me, and lived for the time that you loved me"

Here goes Kourtney trying to keep her balance sledding Yesterday Afternoon! Some parents watched holding their cups of coffee at the top of the hill, while others ran and jumped on top of their kids on a big tube, sending them flying in circles down the white powdery slope. I myself waited at the bottom of the hill trying to catch some good pics. Watching all of the kids sliding, I wondered at which age growing up does our pain tolerance suddenly decrease. Is is 16, 20, 25??? I observed some young kids nose diving over this 3 foot jump in the snow on all sorts of sleds...crashing, banging, flipping through the air landing on their heads! They all laughed and got up and ran up the hill to do it again! I pictured myself flying over that thing, and landing once on my tail bone would have done me in! I smiled at their fearless endeavors trying to "catch the most air." Honestly it made me feel old. I realized that I'm 27...not 77 and if I dont get some guts back now, and remeber how to have fun and stop worrying so much then...I'm going to end up rolling my self down a snowy hill in a wheel chair someday trying to get back my youth. That would be dangerous on so many levels and probably end up on an episode of Saturday Night Live, if the show is still around. It is important to remeber who we are and where we came from, and the funny things that we did as a child that made us who we are today. Losing touch with those memories and feelings will only turn us into adults. Turning into a "grown up" is much more desireable because it means that we have "grown" as people as we grew "up." Adults are just crabby and shallow.

Winter Office Olympics

On a lighter note...screw the salt and the sand. Real woman should know how to rock a pair of stilettos under any weather condition that should arise. I walked through the parking lot at work this morning, over mountian like formations of ice, slush and black ice. The sand that was down only seemed to add color to the terrain. It is a good 50 feet from where my car was parked to the door. I couldn't help but smirk imagining watching every woman at work that day parking at the same time, and better yet walking at the same time towards the door in their high heels, trying to keep posture and elegance with every step. I expanded on this intrusive ill humored thought and wondered how much funnier it would be if it were made into an "Outdoor Office Olympic" For example, a horn would blow and the first one to the door from their car withought falling, with both shoes on, and withought dropping their purse, lunch ect. would win first place. Second place could include making it to the door only falling once but with both shoes still on. Third place would be won if you fell only twice, but made it to the door with both shoes on and everything still in hand. Forth and Fifth places would include one shoe on ect...then the dreaded barefoot arrival. Just think of all the different ways this could be judged...posture, balance, the list could go on. Even imagine those with a fresh hot coffee in one hand. That could get messy. I myself made it ok after questioning 2 puddles, which one seemed thick enough to hold me without breaking. A nearby construction worker chuckled as he found humor in my questioning of the two puddles, looking back and forth. Thankfully my guess was right. All humor and smiles slowly melted away as I approached the door and remembered that I had an 8 hour work day ahead of me.

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels." - Faith Whittlesey

I have often thought how amazing it is that each person lives their lives, day to day, creating beliefs and assumptions, forming opinions, forming ideas of what the true meaning of life is all about...after all we all only have one. Sometimes, It intrigues me to realize that we are just one person with one outlook of life and of the world, and we all thing that our outlook and perception is the "right way' or most logical at least! How narrow minded are we really to think that way. We just assume that everyone thinks like us. It is rare that we stop and wonder what a stranger standing next to us is really thinking. Life's trials and rewards and learning experiences, form us into who we are, and who we will be. Every person on earth has grown into who they are based on their own experiences and thought processes. To imagine that every single person on the planet has a different perception of life is pretty spectacular. So this is my blog, about life...through my eyes.